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The depicted figure illustrates the hours per week that teenagers doing different events in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

The depicted figure illustrates the hours per week that teenagers doing different events in Chester from 2002 to 2007. A35qN
The depicted figure illustrates the hours per week that teenagers doing different events in Chester from 2002 to 2007. In general, it is evident from the information that watching television is the most popular while bowling is the least popular activity among all. Meanwhile going to pubs and discos, the trend go up gradually thoughout the years. The others show up the trend declined steadily year by year, except watching DVDs, which is fluctuated. As shown in the chart, teenagers spend the most hours in watching television in 2002, peaking at 25 hours. It climbed exponentially and reach to almost 40 hours in 2007. Both going pubs, discos and shoppings, was doubled in hours from over 5 to over 15 and exactly 15 respectively. However, while teenagers occupied more than 10 hours doing homework in 2002 has slightly declined to more than 5 years. An exactly 10 hours in doing sports in 2002, has dropped substantially to less than 5 hours. Bowling was under 5 hours throughout the entire period has declined in total. The hours in watching DVDs from youngsters was above 5 in 2002 and 2007, which has reached to the peak at 15 hours above in 2004.
The depicted figure illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

In general
, it is evident from the information that watching television is the most popular while bowling is the least popular activity among all.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
going to pubs and discos, the trend go up
gradually
Possible spelling mistake found.
thoughout
the years. The others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up the trend declined
steadily
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year
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, except watching DVDs, which
is fluctuated
.

As shown in the chart,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in watching television in 2002, peaking at 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. It climbed
exponentially
and reach to almost 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in 2007. Both going pubs, discos and
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoppings
,
was doubled
in
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hours
from over 5 to over 15 and exactly 15
respectively
.

However
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
occupied more than 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
doing homework in 2002 has
slightly
declined to more than 5 years. An exactly 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in doing sports in 2002, has dropped
substantially
to less than 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Bowling was under 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
throughout the entire period has declined in total. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in watching DVDs from youngsters was above 5 in 2002 and 2007, which has reached to the peak at 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
above in 2004.
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IELTS academic The depicted figure illustrates the hours per week that teenagers doing different events in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
200 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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