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Comparative graph of part time workers in 1980 and 2010

Comparative graph of part time workers in 1980 and 2010 ENx8Q
The bar chart shows information about percentage of people who worked wart time in United Kingdom, over a thirty years period from 1980 to 2010. Over all what stand out from the graph is that wales and England had far more part-time workers than Northern Ireland and Scotland. That was a small increase in part-time workers from 1980 to 2010, except the Northern Ireland. In 1980, the highest percentage of part-time workers was in Wales with figure of around 33% where as England the percentage was around 25 %. In 2010 there was an increase in a percentage of part-time workers in both countries, with fingers being 35%in Wales and 31% procent respectively. Scotland had the smallest percentage of part-time workers in 1980, with just over 10 %. Regarding Northern Ireland, the figure was 15%. In 2010 the percentage of part-time workers rose to almost 20 percent in Scotland. Finally, Northen Ireland was the only country Witch had a decreasing percentage with the figure of 12 %.
The bar chart
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shows
information about
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percentage
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who worked wart time
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United Kingdom".
in United Kingdom
, over a thirty years period from 1980 to 2010. Over all what stand out from the graph is that wales and England had far more part-time
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workers
than Northern Ireland and Scotland. That was a
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small
increase in part-time
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workers
from 1980 to 2010, except the Northern Ireland.

In 1980, the highest
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percentage
of part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
was in Wales with figure of around 33%
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
England the
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percentage
was around 25 %. In 2010 there was an increase in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in both countries, with fingers being 35%in Wales and 31%
Possible spelling mistake found.
procent
respectively
.

Scotland had the smallest
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percentage
of part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
in 1980, with
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just
over 10 %.

Regarding Northern Ireland, the figure was 15%. In 2010 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of part-time
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workers
rose to almost 20 percent in Scotland.
Finally
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Northen
Ireland was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
country Witch had a decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
with the figure of 12 %.
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IELTS academic Comparative graph of part time workers in 1980 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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