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the cultural and leisure activities that boys % girls participate in

the cultural and leisure activities that boys % girls participate in 2lEm6
The pie charts depict survey results of the data gathered from children regarding the difference in the cultural and leisure activity preferences between boys and girls. Overall, the majority of young men love playing computer games during their free time as it accounts for roughly one-third of the sample, whereas the largest proportion of young women sample - which is more than a quarter - prefer dancing rather than other activities. Additionally, listening to music is an interest with an equal proportion between both genders. From the data, we can see that playing computer games is the most favorite thing to do by boys, followed by outdoor activities such as basketball and soccer. On the other hand, reading is the least enjoyable one as it is participated by merely 2% of the sample. In the survey result of the sample taken from the girls, it is shown clearly that the activity they prefer the most in their free time is dancing. Compared to the boys, a significant portion of the sample (21%) choose reading as the most common activity during leisure time.
The pie charts depict survey results of the data gathered from children regarding the difference in the cultural and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
preferences between boys and girls.

Overall
, the majority of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
playing computer games during their free time as it accounts for roughly one-third of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sample
, whereas the largest proportion of young women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sample
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
which is more than a quarter
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
prefer dancing
rather
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Additionally
, listening to music is an interest with an equal proportion between both genders.

From the data, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that playing computer games is the most favorite thing to do by boys, followed by outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as basketball and soccer.
On the other hand
, reading is the least enjoyable one as it
is participated
by
merely
2% of the sample.

In the survey result of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sample
taken from the girls, it
is shown
clearly
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
they prefer the most in their free time is dancing. Compared to the boys, a significant portion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sample
(21%) choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to read".
reading
as the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
during leisure time.
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IELTS academic the cultural and leisure activities that boys % girls participate in

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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