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the consumption of nutrients in the USA

the consumption of nutrients in the USA gGRMa

Firstly for sodium, it can be noted that a lot of it is consumed during dinner. The amount of sodium consumed for lunch might seem relatively less but is still quite high. A similar trend is seen in the saturated fat pie graph. The snacks consumed by the average American might seem relatively healthy in terms of sodium and saturated fats when compared to dinner but as seen in the latter graph, the American snacks are notorious for having an excess of sugar. The breakfast of the average person in the USA can be concluded as the healthiest meal in comparison to others and from the information provided. The dinner is the unhealthiest meal as a surplus amount of sodium and saturated fats. 2nd to the unhealthiest meal is the snacks as they have a lot of sugar.

Firstly
 for sodium, it can be noted
 that This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
a lot of
 it is consumed
 during dinner. The amount of sodium consumed for lunch might seem relatively
 less This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
 is still
 quite high. A similar trend is This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :witnessed
seen
 in the saturated This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :chubby
fat
 pie graph. The snacks consumed by the average American might seem relatively
 healthy in terms of sodium and saturated fats when compared to dinner This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:on the contrary
but
 as This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :witnessed
seen
 in the latter graph, the American snacks are notorious for having an excess of sugar. The breakfast of the average person in the USA can be concluded
 as the healthiest meal in comparison
 to others and from the information provided. Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
 dinner is the unhealthiest meal as a surplus amount of sodium and saturated fats. 2nd to the unhealthiest meal is the snacks as they have This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
a lot of
 sugar. 

IELTS academic the consumption of nutrients in the USA

Academic

American English

1 paragraphs

138 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
?
Include an introduction and conclusion
?
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
?
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.5

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
?
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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