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the consumption of butter, margarine and low fat in Australians

the consumption of butter, margarine and low fat in Australians m8V6L
The line graph illustrates the amount of three different spreads eaten by Australian citizens over 26 years. Overall it is clear that the greater percentage of Australian citizens ate butter and margarine most, whereas there was the least percentage of Australians ate low fat and reduced fats. in 1986, the consumption of butter and margarine among Australians started at around 140, 80 grams respectively. From there the figures moved slightly different, the figure for butter reached its peak at around 160 grams by 1989 before it dropped significantly at around 40 grams by 2007. But in compared to butter the margarine followed a different trend and reached it peak by 1991 at around 100grams before it receded by 2007 at around 40grams. The low fat and reduced speards became popular in 1990 among Australians and it showed significant consumption among Australians before it receded.
The line graph illustrates the amount of three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
spreads eaten by Australian citizens over 26 years.
Overall
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the greater percentage of Australian citizens
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ate
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butter
and margarine most, whereas there was the least percentage of Australians
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ate
low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
fats.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
1986, the consumption of
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butter
and margarine among Australians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at
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around
140, 80
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grams
respectively
. From there the figures
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moved
slightly
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different
, the figure for
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butter
reached its peak at
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around
160
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grams
by 1989
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before
it dropped
significantly
at
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around
40
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grams
by 2007.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in compared to
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butter
the margarine followed a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
trend and reached it peak by 1991 at
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around
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100grams
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before
it receded by 2007 at
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around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
40grams
. The low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
Possible spelling mistake found.
speards
became popular in 1990 among Australians and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
significant consumption among Australians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it receded.
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IELTS academic the consumption of butter, margarine and low fat in Australians

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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