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The bar chat below shows information about percentage of transport preferences young in different three countries .

The bar chat below shows information about percentage of transport preferences young in different three countries. R06wP
The information about the proportion of transport choice among young people in four different nation Great Britain, USA, Germany and France is depicted by the rendered bar graph. The dara has been calibrated in percentage. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that, people mostly choice cars in maximum percentage in given three nation except Germany. However, p reference of motorcycle is low among individuals as compared to bicycle in given all countries. To begin with, car is highly prefer by young in France, it accounte for approximately 70%. In Great Britain and USA the percentage of car pick remain same at around 60%, but in Germany, preference of car is low as compared to bicycle. However, motorcycle is choice by people, which is belongs to Germany it percentage is comprise nearly 30 per cent. Moreover, the percentage of first choice of motorcycle is less, under the 15% im USA, France and Great Britain. In contrast, 42% bicycle is liked by the Germany people, it proportion is fall in Great britain at around 30%. While, preferences of bicycle is less in USA but in France this percentage is around 12%.
The information about the proportion of transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
among young
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people
in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nation
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Great
Britain, USA, Germany and France
is depicted
by the rendered bar graph. The
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dara
has
been calibrated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
. Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
in maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
three
Possible agreement error. The noun 'nation' seems to be countable, so consider using: "nations".
nation
except Germany.
However
, p reference of motorcycle is low among individuals as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
all countries. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is
highly
Consider using a past participle here: "preferred".
prefer
by young in France, it
Possible spelling mistake found.
accounte
for approximately 70%. In
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Great
Britain and USA the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
pick remain same at around 60%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in Germany, preference of
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car
is low as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
.
However
, motorcycle is
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choice
by
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people
, which is belongs to Germany it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
is
Consider using a past participle here: "comprised".
comprise
nearly
30 per cent.
Moreover
, the
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percentage
of
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
of motorcycle is less, under the 15%
Possible spelling mistake found.
im
USA, France and
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Great
Britain.
In contrast
, 42%
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bicycle
is liked
by the Germany
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
It seems that the possessive pronoun "its" fits better in this context. Please verify.
it
proportion is fall in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Great britain
at around 30%. While, preferences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
is less
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in France this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
is around 12%.
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IELTS academic The bar chat below shows information about percentage of transport preferences young in different three countries.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
192 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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