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Te the rate of household energy and green house gas in Australia

Te the rate of household energy and green house gas in Australia peM69
The first pie chart illustrates average energy usages in a typical Australian family while the second pie chart shows the percentage of the green house gas emission from this power consumption. According to the given data, water heating system consumed 23 %of total energy consumption in an Australian house hold while heating and cooling system require 20 % power. As is presented, water heating and heating & cooling consume the highest energy and they produce the highest percentage of green house gas in Australia. Refrigeration used 12 % energy which is larger than that of energy requirement for cooking and lighting. Finally, 5 %energy is consumed in stand by mode and the remaining 24 % energy is required for all other appliances in domestic on the other heating and cooling used 38 % of energy in green house gas produced in Australia. Water heaters, though require more power heating and cooling. Cooking and lighting generate 14 % green house gas in totaly. Then, refrigeration generate 7 % green house gas in Australia. All other appliances and stand by mode generate 19 % such gas. In conclusion, heating and cooling devices emit the highest percentages of green house gas though they consume less power than water heaters. Other devices contribute to emit dangerous gases based on the percentages of energy they require.
The
first
pie chart illustrates average
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energy
usages in a typical Australian family while the second pie chart
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shows
the
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percentage
of the
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green
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house
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gas
emission from this
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power
consumption. According to the
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given
data,
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water
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heating
system consumed 23
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%of
total
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energy
consumption in an Australian
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house
hold while
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heating
and
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cooling
system require 20 %
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power
. As
is presented
,
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water
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heating
and
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heating
&
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cooling
consume the highest
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
energy and
they produce the highest
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percentage
of
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green
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house
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gas
in Australia. Refrigeration
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used
12 %
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energy
which is larger than that of
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energy
requirement for cooking and lighting.
Finally
, 5
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%energy
is consumed
in stand by mode and the remaining 24 %
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energy
is required
for all
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other
appliances in domestic on the
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other
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heating
and
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cooling
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used
38 % of
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energy
in
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green
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house
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gas
produced in Australia.
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Water
heaters, though require more
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power
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heating
and
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cooling
. Cooking and lighting generate 14 %
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green
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house
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gas
in
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totaly
. Then, refrigeration generate 7 %
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green
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house
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gas
in Australia. All
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other
appliances and stand by mode generate 19 % such
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gas
.
In conclusion
,
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heating
and
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cooling
devices emit the highest
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percentages
of
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green
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house
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gas
though they consume less
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power
than
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water
heaters.
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Other
devices contribute to emit
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dangerous
gases based on the
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percentages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
they require.
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IELTS academic Te the rate of household energy and green house gas in Australia

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
221 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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