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the consumer spending of five different countries

the consumer spending of five different countries pee2w
The table shows the data of national expenditure on different needs categories across five different countries in 2002. Overall, The highest level of needs consumption is experienced by Turkey than other developed countries combined. In addition, food/drinks/tobacco become the most common expenditure and the least is leisure/education. In terms of Foods/drinks/tobacco, Turkey has undergone the biggest amount of charges at 32, 14%. As a result, it has become the most dominant country of consumer spending. However, the spending on clothing/footwear is quite similar for all countries, except Italy. The percentage of these secondary needs in Italy reaches 9%, which is around one-third higher than other countries. Moreover, the leisure/education expenditure has overcome the lowest proportion than other two categories combined. All five countries have spent below 5 percent for this tertiary consumption which is 5 times higher than the main needs.
The table
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shows
the data of national expenditure on
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different
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needs
categories across five
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different
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countries
in 2002.

Overall
, The highest level of
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needs
consumption
is experienced
by Turkey than other developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
combined.
In addition
, food/drinks/tobacco become the most common expenditure and the least is leisure/education.

In terms of Foods/drinks/tobacco, Turkey has undergone the biggest amount of charges at 32, 14%.
As a result
, it has become the most dominant
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country
of consumer spending.

However
, the spending on clothing/footwear is quite similar for all
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countries
, except Italy. The percentage of these secondary
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needs
in Italy reaches 9%, which is around one-third higher than other countries.

Moreover
, the leisure/education expenditure has overcome the lowest proportion than other two categories combined. All five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have spent below 5 percent for this tertiary consumption which is 5 times higher than the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
.
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IELTS academic the consumer spending of five different countries

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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