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Food consumption in the world and two Asian countries

Food consumption in the world and two Asian countries M3wmk
The three pie charts compare the world with two particular Asian countries in terms of average food consumption in 2008. Overall, the highest portions of food came from processed food, vegetables and fruits. Moreover, there were some differences in the breakdowns of other categories consumed in the given year. In the world prepackaged food, vegetables and fruits accounted for accordingly 41% and 29% of total consumption, while only 30% of the diet made up of the other two groups. On the other hand, the proportion of processed food the Chinese ate was responsible for more than a third compared to Indians for whom this index was equal to almost two-fifths. However, in China nuts and seeds had the share of 19 %, though the figure for India was just over 10%. Moreover, the amounts of animal food, fruits and vegetables consumed by the two nations were almost proportional, with 47% and 50% respectively.
The three pie charts compare the world with two particular Asian countries in terms of average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption in 2008.

Overall
, the highest portions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
came from processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, vegetables and fruits.
Moreover
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
differences in the breakdowns of other categories consumed in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
year.

In the world prepackaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, vegetables and fruits accounted for
accordingly
41% and 29% of total consumption, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
30% of the diet made up of the other two groups.

On the other hand
, the proportion of processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
the Chinese ate was responsible for more than a third compared to Indians for whom this index was equal to almost two-fifths.

However
, in China nuts and seeds had the share of 19 %, though the figure for India was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 10%.

Moreover
, the amounts of animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, fruits and vegetables consumed by the two nations were almost proportional, with 47% and 50%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Food consumption in the world and two Asian countries

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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