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The cline graph compares figure for the labour force employment of United States in 5 different form labour force over a period of 80 years.

The cline graph compares figure for the labour force employment of United States in 5 different form labour force over a period of 80 years. AgVke
The cline graph compares figure for the labour force employment of United States in 5 different form labour force over a period of 80 years. Overall, it is clear that the industrial, technical, sales and office is on an upward trend. Additionally, while the industrial, technical, sales and office which is increased, the data of farming, fishing and foresting fell sharply. Besides the figure of other services remain stable through the period shown. In 1930, the proportion of people who do farming, fishing and foresting was the highest in all about 75%. The figures for technical and industrial were lower, at about 4% and 0% respectively, besides the figure of other services as same as sales and office, about 15%. In 1970, the data of farmer, fisher and forester declined steadily at about 60% but it still higher than the others. The figures sameness for industrial, technical, sales and office at about 15% higher than other services. Finally, the data of other services was the lowest in all, at about 12%. In 2010, the figures of farming, fishing and foresting decreased remarkably at about 3%. The data of industrial grew sharply and become the highest in all, at about 33%. The figures for technical, sales and office went up slightly, at about 25% and 21% respectively. Additionally, the proportion of other services still stay unchanged.
The
Possible spelling mistake found.
cline
graph compares
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force employment
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United States".
of United States
in 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
form
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force over a period of 80 years.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
is on an upward trend.
Additionally
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
which
is increased
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
of farming, fishing and foresting fell
sharply
.
Besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
remain stable through the period shown.

In 1930, the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go farming".
do farming
, fishing and foresting was the highest in all about 75%. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
were lower, at about 4% and 0%
respectively
,
besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
, about 15%. In 1970, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
of farmer, fisher and forester declined
steadily
at about 60%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
still
higher than the others. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
sameness for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
at about 15% higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
was the lowest in all, at about 12%.

In 2010, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
of farming, fishing and foresting decreased
remarkably
at about 3%. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
grew
sharply
and become the highest in all, at about 33%. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technical
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
went up
slightly
, at about 25% and 21%
respectively
.
Additionally
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
still
stay unchanged.
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IELTS academic The cline graph compares figure for the labour force employment of United States in 5 different form labour force over a period of 80 years.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
225 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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