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chart describing the buying and drinking habits of tea and coffee in five Australian cities

chart describing the buying and drinking habits of tea and coffee in five Australian cities Ydjjm
Coffee and tea are the most consumed and famous beverages in the world. Import and exports of these beverages contribute to most of the countries economy. This bar graph plots the survey done on the percentages of people buying and drinking coffee and tea in five different cities namely Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart. in Australia in the last 4 weeks. The darker bar represents the percentage of people who bought fresh coffee, the checkered bar represent the people who bought instant coffee and the lighter bar represent the people who go to café for coffee and tea. According to the survey, Sydney has the highest rate for buying fresh coffee with a value of 44%. And 42 % in Melbourne is in the second position. Brisbane and Adelaide have the nearly same value of 34 % and 34. 5%. Hobart has a value of 38%. The second or the checkered bar, i. e. , the percentages of people who bought instant coffees in the respective cities are, 45. 8% in Sydney, 48% in Melbourne, 54 %in Hobart which is the highest among the cities and respectively 50% and 53% in Adelaide and Brisbane. However, the percentages of people who go to café in all the cities are higher compared to the other options. Sydney has 61%, Melbourne has 64%, Brisbane has 56%, Adelaide has 49% and Hobart has nearly the same as the Melbourne, that is, 64%. However only in Adelaide, the percentage of instant coffee holders are higher than the café goers.
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Coffee
and tea are the most consumed and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
beverages in the world. Import and exports of these beverages contribute to most of the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
economy.

This bar graph plots the survey done on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of
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people
buying and drinking
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coffee
and tea in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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cities
namely
Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
Australia in the last 4 weeks. The darker bar represents the
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percentage
of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
fresh
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coffee
, the checkered bar represent the
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and the lighter bar represent the
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
go to café for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and tea.

According to the survey, Sydney has the highest rate for buying fresh
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coffee
with a value of 44%. And 42 % in Melbourne is in the second position. Brisbane and Adelaide have the
nearly
same value of 34 % and 34. 5%. Hobart has a value of 38%.

The second or the checkered bar,
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
the
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percentages
of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffees
in the respective
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cities
are, 45. 8% in Sydney, 48% in Melbourne, 54
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%in
Hobart which is the highest among the
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cities
and
respectively
50% and 53% in Adelaide and Brisbane.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
go to café in all the
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cities
are higher compared to the other options. Sydney has 61%, Melbourne has 64%, Brisbane has 56%, Adelaide has 49% and Hobart has
nearly
the same as the Melbourne,
that is
, 64%.
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However
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in Adelaide, the
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percentage
of instant
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coffee
holders are higher than the café goers.
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IELTS academic chart describing the buying and drinking habits of tea and coffee in five Australian cities

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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