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The charts show what Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart depicts percentage of Australian students going for further studies, employment and unemployed after completing their secondary education. The data is provided for three different decades namely 1980, 1990, and 2000. In the year 1980, half percentage of the students opted for higher studies. However, out of other half, 40% school leavers opted for employment and just 10% were left unemployed. In a decade thereafter, the percentage of students rther education decreased to less than 40%. On the other hand, the students taking up jobs increased to 50%. Unemployment rate rose by just 2% making it 12%. Simiar trend was observed in the year 2000 where employed people rate reached peak to 55%. While the students joining higher courses remained almost same and unemployed people percentage reduced to 8%. Overall, falling percentage can be observed in further education data. Whereas, the employment preference increased with time. And a zigzag trend can be seen in the unemployed students over the three respective years.
The pie chart depicts
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percentage
of Australian
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students
going for
further
studies, employment and
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unemployed
after completing their secondary education. The data
is provided
for three
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different
decades
namely
1980, 1990, and 2000.

In the year 1980, half
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percentage
of the
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students
opted for higher studies.
However
, out of other half, 40%
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
school leavers
opted for employment and
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just
10% were
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left
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unemployed
. In a decade thereafter, the
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percentage
of
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students
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rther
education decreased to less than 40%.
On the other hand
, the
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students
taking up jobs increased to 50%. Unemployment rate rose by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
2% making it 12%.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Simiar
trend
was observed
in the year 2000 where employed
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people
rate reached peak to 55%. While the
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students
joining higher courses remained almost same and
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unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 8%.

Overall
, falling
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percentage
can
be observed
in
further
education data.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the employment preference increased with time. And a zigzag trend can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
over the three respective years.

IELTS academic The charts show what Australian school leavers did immediately after leaving secondary school.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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