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British Emigration to selected destinations 2004-2007

The bar chart illustrates United Kingdom emigrations to the major five countries between year 2004 to 2007. According to the chart, Australia is the most preferable destination of over the period. However, Australia, USA and France had a fluctuated pattern in this 3 years whereas New Zealand and Spain having a slightly decline. There was a just over 40 thousand emigrants to the Australia in 2004 and next year it was a slight decrease and again become over 50 thousand and in 2007 it was around 43 thousand. At the mean time New Zealand dropped number of travelers about 22000 to 20000 level. However, Spain maintain their value around 35000 in year 2004 and 2005. although next 2 years there was a gradual decline. Overall, England emigrants more enjoying traveling to Australia than any other countries.
The bar chart illustrates United Kingdom emigrations to the major five countries between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2004 to 2007.

According to the chart, Australia is the most preferable destination of over the period.
However
, Australia, USA and France had a fluctuated pattern in
Did you mean “these”?
this
3 years whereas New Zealand and Spain having a
You used an adverb (‘slightly’) instead of an adjective, or a noun (‘decline’) instead of another adjective.
slightly decline
.

There was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 40 thousand emigrants to the Australia in 2004 and
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
it was a slight decrease and again become over 50 thousand and in 2007 it was around 43 thousand.

At the mean time New Zealand dropped number of travelers about 22000 to 20000 level.
However
, Spain maintain their value around 35000 in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2004 and 2005.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
although
next
2 years there was a gradual decline.

Overall
, England emigrants more enjoying traveling to Australia than any other countries.
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IELTS academic British Emigration to selected destinations 2004-2007

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
136 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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