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The chart provides information regarding the proportion of males and females that utilized internet for various purposes in 2001 in the UK.

The chart provides information regarding the proportion of males and females that utilized internet for various purposes in 2001 in the UK. Arb91
Overall, almost all respondents to the survey mentioned the usage of Email, while figures for most other categories are less than half of it. Similarities in figures between males and females were observed in the usage of internet to access Email, banking and selling goods online. Meanwhile Email was mostly used service for both genders being close to 100%, the index of commercial(vendor) was 5 times as less. Turning to Banking, two fifth of males and females in the UK preferred online Banking in 2001. When it comes to other categories in the graph, there were noticeable difference among males and females. In comparison with men, 20% more women chose medical research and online shopping, equaling to 40% and 60% respectively. In online games, on the other hand, male dominance was visible with 40% of them choosing it.
Overall
, almost all respondents to the survey mentioned the usage of Email, while figures for most other categories are less than half of it.

Similarities in figures between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and females
were observed
in the usage of internet to access Email, banking and selling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
Email was
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
service for both genders being close to 100%, the index of commercial(vendor) was 5 times as less. Turning to Banking, two fifth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and females in the UK preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
Banking in 2001.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to other categories in the graph, there were noticeable difference among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and females.
In comparison
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, 20% more women chose medical research and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping, equaling to 40% and 60%
respectively
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
games,
on the other hand
, male dominance was visible with 40% of them choosing it.
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IELTS academic The chart provides information regarding the proportion of males and females that utilized internet for various purposes in 2001 in the UK.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
138 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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