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THE CHARTS SHOW PROJECTIONS FOR GLOBAL PRODUCTION BE SECTOR

THE CHARTS SHOW PROJECTIONS FOR GLOBAL PRODUCTION BE SECTOR m3lwO
The given 2 pie charts illustrate 6 different industries namely; Service, Manufacturing, Materials, Energy, Agriculture and Info-Com Tech. and how these sectors will be producing products for global industry from 2040 and 2060. Overall, in 2040 and 2060 highest percentage will have contributed from service sector and it will be followed by the Manufacturing sector. In contrast, the lowest proportion will have been produced by agriculture. When analysing the data it is clearly depicted that, in 2040 and 2060, 4 industries will increase their products by 1% except manufacturing. Furthermore, largest portion will have contributed from service sector. It would be nearly 40 percent and 41 percent respectively and it will be followed by the Manufacturing it is 31 percent in 2040 and 2060 it will increase by 2%. In 2040, 15% of Info- Com Tech and 3% of Material also will be increasing by 1% in the 2060. On the other hand, 2 industries would be declining their production. In 2040, 4 percent of agriculture field would decrease their production by 3% In 2060. In contrast, Energy production products would decrease by 2%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
2 pie charts illustrate 6
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
namely
; Service,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Manufacturing
, Materials, Energy, Agriculture and Info-Com Tech.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
will be producing products for global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 2040 to 2060"?
from 2040 and 2060
.

Overall
, in 2040 and 2060 highest percentage will have contributed from service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
and it will
be followed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
In contrast
, the lowest proportion will have
been produced
by agriculture.

When
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the data it is
clearly
depicted that, in 2040 and 2060, 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
will increase their products by 1% except
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
.
Furthermore
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the largest".
largest
portion will have contributed from service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. It would be
nearly
40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and 41
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
respectively
and it will
be followed
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Manufacturing
it is 31
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2040 and 2060 it will increase by 2%. In 2040, 15% of Info- Com Tech and 3% of Material
also
will be increasing by 1% in the 2060.

On the other hand
, 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
would be declining their production. In 2040, 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of agriculture field would decrease their production by 3% In 2060.
In contrast
, Energy production products would decrease by 2%.
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IELTS academic THE CHARTS SHOW PROJECTIONS FOR GLOBAL PRODUCTION BE SECTOR

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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