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The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period. y9dg
The four pie chart illustrates the proportion of four countries of tourism in Australia and Germany between 1960 to 2010. Overall, in the beginning of the period European were dominant in both the countries, while Asians were the significant of visitors to Australia in 2010, Europeans remained top in Germany after 50 years. In 1960 the number of tourist to the Australia and Germany was Europeans with 53% and 45% respectively and was highest among all countries. Britain people were the second highest in Australia and Germany with 25% and 20%. However, Germany had 25% of USA and 10% of Asians. The USA people and Asians were the least significant in commute to the Australia, with 12% and 10%. In 2010, Asians dominated by all other countries in Australia, with 63%, where Europeans percentage sharply declined from 53%to 10%, which was a major drop in Australia tourism. From Britain and the USA, visitors experienced a fall of 5%. On the other hand, Europeans decreased to 40% in Germany, still remained top among others. It is interesting to note that, the Asians percentage increased from 10% to 25% as compared to the USA from 25% to 29%. Britain was the low country, only 6% contributed to the German tourism.
The four pie chart illustrates the proportion of four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of tourism in Australia and Germany
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1960 and 2010".
between 1960 to 2010
.

Overall
, in the beginning of the period European were dominant in both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, while Asians were
The phrase 'the significant of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the significant of
visitors to Australia in 2010, Europeans remained top in Germany after 50 years.

In 1960 the number of tourist to the Australia and Germany was Europeans with 53% and 45%
respectively
and was highest among all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Britain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were the second highest in Australia and Germany with 25% and 20%.
However
, Germany had 25%
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
and 10% of Asians. The USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and Asians were the least significant in commute to the Australia, with 12% and 10%.

In 2010, Asians dominated by all other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in Australia, with 63%, where Europeans percentage
sharply
declined from 53%to 10%, which was a major drop in Australia tourism. From Britain and the USA, visitors experienced a fall of 5%.
On the other hand
, Europeans decreased to 40% in Germany,
still
remained top among others. It is interesting to note that, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "Asians'" or "Asian's"?
Asians
percentage increased from 10% to 25% as compared to the USA from 25% to 29%. Britain was the low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6% contributed to the German tourism.
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IELTS academic The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
208 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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