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The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period.

The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period. B5pj
The given bar charts above present a change of travelling in Australia and Germany for about 50-year term. Overall, it is explicitly conspicuous that the most popular part for Australian tourists in 1960 was to Europe but that trend was changed in 2010. It can be seen that travelling to Asia exceeded among Australian people in 2010 by hugest indicator by sixty three percent in two periods. Now, turning to details, it can be noticed that in Germany citizens in both age categories were more interested in Europe tourism. It may be aproved by rate in forty five percent in 1960 and forty percent eleven years ago. It is clear observed that travelling to Britain by Germans in 2010 was decreased by forteen percent and was rised to Asia from ten to twenty five percent. In addition it could be viewed that the constantest tourism in Germany was to USA. The index of that travelling over fifty years stayed almost the same.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar charts above present a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of
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travelling
in Australia and Germany for about 50-year term.

Overall
, it is
explicitly
conspicuous that the most popular part for Australian tourists in 1960 was to Europe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that trend was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in 2010. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
to Asia exceeded among Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in 2010 by hugest indicator by
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sixty three
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percent
in two periods.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, turning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, it can
be noticed
that in Germany citizens in both age categories were more interested in Europe tourism. It may be
Possible spelling mistake found.
aproved
by rate in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
forty five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1960 and forty
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percent
eleven years ago. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
observed that
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travelling
to Britain by Germans in 2010
was decreased
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
forteen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and was
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "rose", the past tense form of the verb 'rise'?
rised
to Asia from ten to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty five
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percent
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, it".
addition it
could
be viewed
that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
constantest
tourism in Germany was
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the USA".
to USA
. The index of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
over fifty years stayed almost the same.

IELTS academic The charts show how tourism to two countries changed over a 50-year period.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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