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The charts illustrate the satisfaction of the visitors to customer service of Parkway hotel in two year 2005 and 2010.

The charts illustrate the satisfaction of the visitors to customer service of Parkway hotel in two year 2005 and 2010. DVMXW
The charts illustrate the satisfaction of the visitors to customer service of Parkway hotel in two year 2005 and 2010. Overall, the proportion for satisfied consumers is higher than that of dissatisfied consumers. On the one hand, the positive feedback from the visitors were majority and rose after time. There were sharp rises in the proportion of excellent and good ratings( soared namely from 5 to 28% and from 14 to 39% ). Meanwhile the percentage of people who cite that the service was satisfactory plunged 28%( from 45 to 17%). On the other hand, the negative opinions were minority and tended to decrease after five years as the number of poor accounts for one- fifth of the survey taker in 2005 and declined dramatically to 12% in 2010. Whereas, very poor opinion had a steep fall that decreased from 15 to 4%.
The charts illustrate the satisfaction of the visitors to customer service of Parkway hotel in two year 2005 and 2010.

Overall
, the proportion for satisfied consumers is higher than that of dissatisfied consumers. On the one hand, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feedback from the visitors were majority and rose after time. There were sharp rises in the proportion of excellent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ratings
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
soared
namely
from 5 to 28% and from 14 to 39%
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who cite that the service was satisfactory plunged 28%
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
from 45 to 17%).
On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
opinions were minority and tended to decrease after five years as the number of poor accounts for one- fifth of the survey taker in 2005 and declined
dramatically
to 12% in 2010.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor opinion had a steep fall that decreased from 15 to 4%.
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IELTS academic The charts illustrate the satisfaction of the visitors to customer service of Parkway hotel in two year 2005 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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