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The charts illustrate the figures of men and female employees in Australia, Japan and Ireland in 2005 and 2015.

The charts illustrate the figures of men and female employees in Australia, Japan and Ireland in 2005 and 2015. K3dB9
It is clearly noticeable that throughout the years in all mentioned countries, the proportion of unemployed men’s proportion was always less than women’s. To illustrate the gaps, Japan could be an example, this country had the highest rate of unemployed women compared to two other countries, with the amount of men in employment was dramatically more than the women’s amount. Another striking feature is the percentage of women in employment had greater change when it comes to the raising in employment of both genders. For instance, in Australia, the proportion of female employees had an upward trend, reducing the distance in ratio with the men employees’ number, which increased around 8%. Similarly, in two countries such as Japan and Ireland, the amount of women in employment rose around 5% while the men’s percentage only moved up 2 - 4%. To conclude with, in Australia, Japan and Ireland in 2005 and 2015, the figure of men employees kept rising and spared only a petite part for women employees. Although the rate of males in employment was dominant, the gap between two genders in employment was considerably narrowed due to the growth in the amount of women employees.
It is
clearly
noticeable that throughout the years in all mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the proportion of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
proportion was always less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
. To illustrate the gaps, Japan could be an example, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
had the highest rate of unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
compared to two other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, with the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
was
dramatically
more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
amount.

Another striking feature is the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
had greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the raising in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
of both genders.
For instance
, in Australia, the proportion of female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
had an upward trend, reducing the distance in ratio with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
number, which increased around 8%.
Similarly
, in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Japan and Ireland, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rose around 5% while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
percentage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
up 2
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
4%.

To conclude
with, in Australia, Japan and Ireland in 2005 and 2015, the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
rising and spared
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a petite part for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. Although the rate of males in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
was dominant, the gap between two genders in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
was
considerably
narrowed due to the growth in the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
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IELTS academic The charts illustrate the figures of men and female employees in Australia, Japan and Ireland in 2005 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
196 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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