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the charts below show what percentage of their daily intakr of various nutrients the average

the charts below show what percentage of their daily intakr of various nutrients the average wgRr
The chart denotes the percentage of nutrients consumed by an average person in the USA during each meal and also in snacks. The people are also warned not to eat too much, since it may be unhealthy. The first Pie chart denotes the percentage of Sodium consumed during various timings. About 43% of sodium is consumed during dinner alone. On the second pie chart, the people take up to 37% of Saturated fat nutrient during dinner and its higher when compared to other meals taken. By comparing the three charts, the average person tend to take 42% of sugar Nutrient during snacks, which is quite high and it may be unhealthy. On the other hand sodium, saturated fat and even sugar are consumed at lower levels at average of 15% during breakfast, while the Sodium and Saturated fat are taken at higher average ratio of 40%. So, I conclude that the sugar percentage takes a sudden lead in snacks, which should be controlled by taking all other nutrients in equal ratio. The people should be clearly aware of not eating too much of nutrients, which may be unhealthy as mentioned earlier.
The
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chart
denotes the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrients
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
person in the USA during each meal and
also
in snacks. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
also
warned not to eat too much, since it may be unhealthy.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
first
Pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
denotes the percentage of Sodium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
during various timings. About 43% of sodium is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
during dinner alone. On the second pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
take up to 37% of Saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrient
during dinner and its higher when compared to other meals taken. By comparing the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charts
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
person tend to take 42% of sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nutrient
during snacks, which is quite high and it may be unhealthy.
On the other hand
sodium, saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and even sugar are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
at lower levels at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
of 15% during breakfast, while the Sodium and Saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
are taken
at higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
average
ratio of 40%.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I conclude that the sugar percentage takes a sudden lead in snacks, which should
be controlled
by taking all other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrients
in equal ratio. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
clearly
aware of not eating too much of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nutrients
, which may be unhealthy as mentioned earlier.
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IELTS academic the charts below show what percentage of their daily intakr of various nutrients the average

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
191 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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