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The charts below show the percentage water used for different purposed in six areas of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The charts below show the percentage water used for different purposed in six areas of the world.
The pie charts show the proportion of purpose of water usage from different six continents over the world, which are North America, South America, Europe, Africa, Central Asia, and South East Asia. There are three types of water usage in each area, including industrial use, agricultural use, and domestic use. Most of areas in the world use water mainly for agriculture, especially in Central Asia, Africa, South East Asia and South America. In contrast, some regions, such as Europe and North America, use water more for industrial activities. The smallest proportion of water usage in every areas is domestic use. With regards to the percentage of water usage for agriculture, it is the most at 88% of Central Asia, following by 84%, 81%, and 71% of Africa, South East Asia and South America, respectively. Nevertheless, the two least proportion of water usage for agriculture are 32% of Europe and 39% of North America. On the other hand, the biggest proportion of water usage for industrial propose, which is 53%, is belong to Europe. The second biggest one is 48% of North America. This portion of water usage is less in agriculture countries, for example, people in Central Asia use water for industrial use only 5%. The domestic use is the smallest proportion of water usage over the world. The biggest proportion, which is only 19%, is at South America. In Asia, both Central Asia and South East Asia, the percentage of domestic use of water is the smallest, which is only 7%.
The pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of purpose of
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water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
six continents over the world, which are
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North
America, South America, Europe, Africa,
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Central
Asia, and South East Asia. There are three types of
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water
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usage
in each area, including
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industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, and
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domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

After 'Most of', you should use 'the' ("Most of the areas") or simply say "Most areas".
Most of areas
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
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water
mainly
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
,
especially
in
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Central
Asia, Africa, South East Asia and South America.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions, such as Europe and
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North
America,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
more for
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industrial
activities. The smallest
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proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "area"?
areas
is
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domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the percentage of
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water
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usage
for
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agriculture
, it is the most at 88% of
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Central
Asia, following by 84%, 81%, and 71% of Africa, South East Asia and South America,
respectively
.
Nevertheless
, the two least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
are 32% of Europe and 39% of
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North
America.

On the other hand
, the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
propose, which is 53%, is
Consider using a past participle here: "belonged".
belong
to Europe. The second biggest one is 48% of
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North
America. This portion of
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water
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usage
is less in
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agriculture
countries,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Central
Asia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is the smallest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usage
over the world. The biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
19%, is at South America. In Asia, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Central
Asia and South East Asia, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
domestic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is the smallest, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7%.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage water used for different purposed in six areas of the world.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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