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The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.

THE 2 PIE CHART REPRESENTS THE TIME PERIOD THAT IS SPENT BY THE ADULTS WHO ENGAGED ON VARIOUS KINDS OF ACTIVITIES IN A COUNTRY IN THE YEARS 1958 AND 2008. OVERALL, MOST GROWN UP PEOPLE ARE DEPEND ON WORKING WHEREAS, THE LEAST PERCENTAGES CAN SEEN ON TRAVEL TO WORK AND GOING OUT WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS IN BOTH THE YEARS. FIRSTLY, IN CASE OF WORKING IT WAS ALMOST A THIRD IN 1958 AND THEN THERE IS TREMENDOUS INCREASED OF 9% IN 2008 RESPECTIVELY. WHILE RELAXING AT HOME SURGED DRAMATICALLY FROM 8 % TO 13 % IN 1958 TO 2008 BUT, FOR SLEEPING IT WAS PLUGED SLIGHTLY 32 % TO A QUARTER. IN SPITE OF OTHER ACTIVITIES LIKE INTERESTS OR PLAYING SPORTS THERE WAS SOARED FROM 6% TO 8 % ON ONE HAND, GOING OUT WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY SHOW A DIP IN PERCENTAGES 19 % IN 1958 TO 6% IN 2008. ON OTHER HAND, GO FOR WORK A RISE IN 2 % TO 8 % RESPECTIVELY.
THE 2 PIE CHART REPRESENTS THE TIME PERIOD THAT
IS SPENT
BY THE ADULTS WHO ENGAGED ON VARIOUS KINDS OF ACTIVITIES IN A COUNTRY IN THE YEARS 1958 AND 2008.

OVERALL
, MOST GROWN UP
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
ARE DEPEND ON WORKING WHEREAS, THE LEAST PERCENTAGES CAN
Did you mean “seem”?
SEEN
ON TRAVEL TO WORK AND GOING OUT WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS IN BOTH THE YEARS.

FIRSTLY
, IN CASE OF WORKING IT WAS ALMOST A THIRD IN 1958 AND THEN THERE IS TREMENDOUS INCREASED OF 9% IN 2008
RESPECTIVELY
. WHILE RELAXING AT HOME SURGED
DRAMATICALLY
FROM 8 % TO 13 % IN 1958 TO 2008
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
, FOR SLEEPING IT WAS
Possible spelling mistake found.
PLUGED
SLIGHTLY
32 % TO A QUARTER.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
IN SPITE OF
OTHER ACTIVITIES LIKE INTERESTS OR PLAYING SPORTS THERE
WAS SOARED
FROM 6% TO 8 % ON ONE HAND, GOING OUT WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOW
A DIP IN PERCENTAGES 19 % IN 1958 TO 6% IN 2008. ON OTHER HAND, GO FOR WORK A RISE IN 2 % TO 8 %
RESPECTIVELY
.
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IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of time working adults spent on different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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