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The charts below show the percentage of men and women in different weight groups in england between 1993 to 2002

The charts below show the percentage of men and women in different weight groups in england between 1993 to 2002 p5MND
The line graph illustrates the proportion of people in England by gender in various weight categories over a period of 9 years. At a first glance, it is noticeable that in both sexes, english people in overweight group was highest while the number of people in dangerously obese group was lowest during the period shown. In 1993, the percentage of healthy men hold the first position with around 45% while the figure of women ranked second at 40%. About two years later, overweight male overtook healthy weight male as the primary group. From 1993 to 2002, men and women shared a similar pattern in their heathy weight, which fell steadily with 38% and 32% respectively. By contrast, the figure for overweight group increased constantly, reached a peak of 46% in men group and 48% in women group. Also, the obese figure climed up as well. The highest percentage was witnessed in 2002 at 13% of male and 18% of female. Finally, the dangerously obese group occupied a negligible number of people, almost zero for the rest of the period
The line graph illustrates the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in England by gender in various weight categories over a period of 9 years. At a
first
glance, it is noticeable that in both sexes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
english
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
while the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
dangerously
obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was lowest during the period shown. In 1993, the percentage of healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
hold the
first
position with around 45% while the figure of women ranked second at 40%. About two years later, overweight male overtook healthy weight male as the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. From 1993 to 2002,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women shared a similar pattern in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
heathy
weight, which fell
steadily
with 38% and 32%
respectively
. By contrast, the figure for overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
increased
constantly
, reached a peak of 46% in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and 48% in women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
Also
, the obese figure
Possible spelling mistake found.
climed
up
as well
. The highest percentage
was witnessed
in 2002 at 13% of male and 18% of female.
Finally
, the
dangerously
obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
occupied a negligible number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, almost zero for the rest of the period
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IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of men and women in different weight groups in england between 1993 to 2002

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
178 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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