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The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. VL3K
The three pie charts depict the average portion of three nutrients- sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar consume by the people of USA in their typical meals- breakfast, dinner, lunch and snacks. Overall, US citizens take large proportion of sodium and saturated fat in their dinner and added sugar in snacks, whereas in breakfast they eat least amount of nutrients. To begin with, people in the US consume large portion of sodium in dinner, which is 43% and it was followed by lunch with 29%. However, the portion of sodium is identical in snacks and breakfast at 14%. Turning to saturated fat, dinner and lunch contain the highest portion with 37% and 26% respectively. Similarly, saturated fat was recorded 21% in snacks, which is 5% higher than breakfast. In term of added sugar, as oppose to sodium and saturated fat, snacks contain 42% of fat, while dinner is in second position by 23%. People in the USA eat 19% of sugar in lunch and it was followed by breakfast by 16%.
The three pie charts depict the average
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portion
of three nutrients- sodium,
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saturated
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fat
, and
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added
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sugar
consume by the
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people
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
in their typical meals-
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breakfast
,
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dinner
, lunch and snacks.

Overall
, US citizens take large proportion of sodium and
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saturated
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fat
in their
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dinner
and
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added
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sugar
in
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snacks
, whereas in
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breakfast
they eat
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
amount of nutrients.

To
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begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the US consume large
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portion
of sodium in
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dinner
, which is 43% and it
was followed
by lunch with 29%.
However
, the
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portion
of sodium is identical in
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snacks
and
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breakfast
at 14%. Turning to
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saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
,
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dinner
and lunch contain the highest
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portion
with 37% and 26%
respectively
.
Similarly
,
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saturated
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fat
was recorded
21% in
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snacks
, which is 5% higher than breakfast.

In term of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
,
Did you mean "as opposed to"?
as oppose to
sodium and
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saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
,
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snacks
contain 42% of
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fat
, while
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dinner
is in second position by 23%.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in the USA eat 19% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in lunch and it
was followed
by
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breakfast
by 16%.
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IELTS academic The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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