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The charts below show that UK graduate and post graduate students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008

The charts below show that UK graduate and post graduate students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008 2YNw
The illustrated bar charts below depicts students from United kingdom who did part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployed after getting their degree and master's in 2008. Overall, most graduates and students who got their master’s degree from United Kingdom choose to pursue their further study in 2008 whereas others went to part-time work and least of them are volunteer workers. To begin with, 29, 665 students who graduated in 2008 choose to follow their dreams and continue to study for their career while 2, 725 postgraduate’s students did the same thing. However, 17, 735 undergraduates and 2, 535 postgraduates decide onto work as a part-time in 2008. Furthermore, 16, 235 are still unemployed after graduating from college and just around 1625 who has master’s degree are still unemployed as well. in addition to that, 3500 number of students who got their diploma decided to volunteer on other works rather than to be in a full time position while 345 post graduates choose their career as an unpaid worker.
The illustrated bar charts below depicts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
United kingdom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
did part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, voluntary
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work
,
further
study and unemployed after getting their degree and master's in 2008.

Overall
, most graduates and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
their master’s degree
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the United Kingdom".
from United Kingdom
choose to pursue their
further
study in 2008 whereas others went to part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and least of them are volunteer workers.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, 29, 665
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
graduated in 2008 choose to follow their dreams and continue to study for their career while 2, 725 postgraduate’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did the same thing.
However
, 17, 735 undergraduates and 2, 535 postgraduates decide onto
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a part-time in 2008.

Furthermore
, 16, 235 are
still
unemployed after graduating from college and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around 1625
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has master’s degree are
still
unemployed
as well
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
addition to that, 3500 number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
their diploma decided to volunteer on other works
rather
than to be in a full time position while 345 post graduates choose their career as an unpaid worker.
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IELTS academic The charts below show that UK graduate and post graduate students who did not go into full time work did after leaving college in 2008

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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