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the charts below show main methods of transportation for people

the charts below show main methods of transportation for people QwRn9
Thepie charts below represent the main methods of transportation for people travelling to one university for work or study in the years 2004 and 2009. Overall, at the beginning of the period the train contributed the least to the main methods of transportation, while the car was the most significant method of transportation. In comparison, at the end of the period the bus became the largest transport segment and the lowest contributio. In was made by finance, train in both times. Bus sector accounted for 33% of the main methods of transportation in 2004 and increase to almost a fifth in 2009. Bicycle was 9% in 2004 and had growth to 16% in 2009. At the beginning of the period, walking and train made up 4% and 3% of the main methods of transportation respectively and these figures rose to 6% and 4%in 2009. The car which comprised a half of the main methods of transportation in 2004 and fell to just under a quarter in 2009.
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Thepie
charts below represent the
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main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travelling to one university for work or study in the years 2004 and 2009.
Overall
, at the beginning of the period the train contributed the least to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
, while the car was the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
.
In comparison
, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period the bus became the largest transport segment and the lowest
Possible spelling mistake found.
contributio
. In
was made
by finance, train in both times. Bus sector accounted for 33% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
in 2004 and increase to almost a fifth in 2009. Bicycle was 9% in 2004 and had growth to 16% in 2009. At the beginning of the period, walking and train made up 4% and 3% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
respectively
and these figures rose to 6% and 4%in 2009. The car which comprised a half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
in 2004 and fell to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under a quarter in 2009.
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IELTS academic the charts below show main methods of transportation for people

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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