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The charts below show information about the percentage of first-year students enrolled in remedial education courses at two different universities

The charts below show information about the percentage of first-year students enrolled in remedial education courses at two different universities 2boOA
The given bar charts represent some details on the percentage of the junior students who participated in three different remedial courses in two universities. The remedial subjects includes reading, writing and the math. In an overview you it is readily noticeable that enrollments in the university A a is by far more than the university B. Talking about reading remedial course, participants in university A or almost twice as much as the other University. In writing course, only 10 percent of students in university B enrolled, whereas approximately one-fourth of all University A's students took writing course. The participation difference in math is even more than writing and reading. 35 percent of University A's students enrolled in math class, however, the number of participants in university B is nearly as same as their number of students which enrolled in writing course. In total participations, University A almost has three times more students can University B. In university A most students enrolled in math class and the list attended the reading class. Whereas in university B, this trend is somehow reversed. Reading class in university B contains most of the participants in remedial courses and the least enrollments goes to both writing and the math class.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar charts represent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
on the percentage of the junior
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students
who participated in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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remedial
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courses
in two
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universities
. The
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remedial
subjects
You should probably use "include".
includes
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reading
,
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writing
and the math.

In an overview
Consider adding a comma here.
you
it is
readily
noticeable that enrollments in the
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university
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "A" or "a" is left.
A a
is by far more than the
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university
B.

Talking about
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reading
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remedial
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course
, participants in
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university
A or almost twice as much as the other
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University
. In
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writing
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course
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 percent of
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students
in
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university
B enrolled, whereas approximately one-fourth of all
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University
A's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. The participation difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
is even more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. 35 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
A's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
however
, the number of participants in
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university
B is
nearly
as same as their number of
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students
which enrolled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. In total
Possible spelling mistake found.
participations
,
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University
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
A almost
has three times more
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students
can
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University
B.

In
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university
A most
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students
enrolled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and the list attended the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Whereas in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
B, this trend is somehow reversed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
B contains most of the participants in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remedial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
and the least enrollments goes to both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
math
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

IELTS academic The charts below show information about the percentage of first-year students enrolled in remedial education courses at two different universities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
205 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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