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The line graph illustrates the proportion of people who traveled to Scotland and attended four vary places.

The line graph illustrates the proportion of people who traveled to Scotland and attended four vary places. NrQ00
The line graph illustrates the proportion of people who traveled to Scotland and attended four vary places. Overall, between these four places which including Aquarium, Castle, Zoo, and Festival attendees were more tended to went to the Castle and less went to the zoo from 1980 to 2010. In 1980, the percentage of visitors who attracted to Castle until 1985 was over 20 percent, but after a gradual increase, it almost had risen sharply about 45 percent after 10 years. Although till 2000 the proportion of tourists fell steeply. Meanwhile, the number of Zoo visitors were fluctuated between 15 percent and 10 percent but went up dramatically to 20 percent by 2010. On the other hand, the number of festival visitors declined noticeably since 1985’ and then it almost remained stable at 35 percent with a low fluctuation between 1985 and 2000. Also, the quantity of Aquarium visitors during 10 years with a rapid rise peak at 35 percent and after its sharp fell till 1990 it had a gradual decline since 2010.
The line graph illustrates the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who traveled to Scotland and attended four vary places.
Overall
, between these four places which including Aquarium, Castle, Zoo, and Festival attendees were more tended to went to the Castle and less went to the zoo from 1980 to 2010.

In 1980, the percentage of
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visitors
who attracted to Castle until 1985 was over 20
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percent
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after a gradual increase, it almost had risen
sharply
about 45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
after 10 years.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
till 2000 the proportion of tourists fell
steeply
. Meanwhile, the number of Zoo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
were fluctuated
between 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
went up
dramatically
to 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
by 2010.

On the other hand
, the number of festival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
declined
noticeably
since 1985’ and then it almost remained stable at 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
with a low fluctuation between 1985 and 2000.
Also
, the quantity of Aquarium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
during 10 years with a rapid rise peak at 35
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and after its sharp fell till 1990 it had a gradual decline since 2010.

IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the proportion of people who traveled to Scotland and attended four vary places.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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