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The charts below show how often people in three age groups did various different evening activities in 1980 and 2010.

The charts below show how often people in three age groups did various different evening activities in 1980 and 2010. NYlj
The bar charts demonstrates how people in three age categories spend their evening in 1980 and 2010. The information in the first bar chart show that visiting family and friends more popular evening activity than others. In 1980 retired people enjoyed spent time with their family and friends and liked eating out, more often than young people. People from 26-50 years do shopping and going to movies more frequently than others. It can be clearly seen that in 2010 people of different age groups liked to spend time online at home, more than do shopping and going to movies. It shows that online at home became popular activity in the evening. People in 26-50 ages didn’t like shopping while likes hanging out with friends and family. In addition, young people started going to movies more often than before.
The bar charts
You should probably use "demonstrate".
demonstrates
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in three age categories spend their evening in 1980 and 2010.

The information in the
first
bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that visiting family and friends more popular evening activity than others. In 1980 retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoyed spent time with their family and friends and liked eating out, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from 26-50 years
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
and going to movies more
frequently
than others.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that in 2010
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups liked to spend time online at home, more than
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go shopping".
do shopping
and going to movies. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that online at home became popular activity in the evening.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in 26-50 ages didn’t like shopping while likes hanging out with friends and family.
In addition
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
going to movies more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

IELTS academic The charts below show how often people in three age groups did various different evening activities in 1980 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
138 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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