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The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.

The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies. 0gk1

This diagram shows that there are a number of processes involved in the commercial production of frozen fish pies. The main ingredients consist of fresh salmon, peas and sauce, with sliced potatoes, and they are prepared separately. The potatoes, which may have been delivered up to a month in advance, are cleaned, peeled and cut into slices. The slices are boiled and then chilled before being stored until needed. The preparation of the fish is more labour intensive than the preparation of the potatoes. Within twelve hours of being delivered to the factory, the fresh fish is cooked by being steamed with lemon juice and salt. Then the skin and bones are removed by hand and disposed of, before a visual inspection takes place. After this, the pies are assembled in microwaveable containers Peas and sauce, which have also been prepared, are added to the fish and then the pie is covered with a layer of cooked potato slices. The pies are then wrapped and frozen. At this point they are ready for dispatch, or they may be stored at the factory before being dispatched. Sweden in 2002.

This diagram This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :demonstratesportraysindicatesdisplays
shows
 that there are a number of processes involved in the commercial production of frozen fish pies. The main ingredients consist of fresh salmon, peas and sauce, with sliced You use this word too often, consider replacing it withyam
potatoes
, and they are prepared
separately
. The You use this word too often, consider replacing it withyam
potatoes
, which may have been delivered
 up to a month in advance, are cleaned
, peeled and This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :minimize
cut
 into slices. Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
 slices are boiled
 and then chilled This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:previouslyprior to
before
being stored
 until needed. Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
 preparation of the fish is more This word is normally spelled with hyphen.labour-intensive
labour intensive
 than the preparation of the You use this word too often, consider replacing it withyam
potatoes
. Within twelve hours of being delivered
 to the factory, the fresh fish is cooked
 by being steamed
 with lemon juice and salt. Then the skin and bones are removed
 by hand and disposed of, This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:previouslyprior to
before
 a visual inspection takes place.

After this, the pies are assembled
 in microwaveable containers Peas and sauce, which have also
been prepared
, are This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :accrued
added
 to the fish and then the pie is covered
 with a layer of cooked You use this word too often, consider replacing it withyam
potato
 slices. The pies are then wrapped and frozen. At this point they are ready for dispatch, or they may be stored
 at the factory This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:previouslyprior to
before
being dispatched
. Sweden in 2002. 

IELTS academic The diagrams below give information about the manufacture of frozen fish pies.

Academic

American English

2 paragraphs

188 words

6.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
?
Include an introduction and conclusion
?
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
?
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 6.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.5

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
?
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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