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The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors. GyBe
The chart demonstrates the percentages of graduates from Brighton Universtiy in the year 2019 starting various employment areas. Overall it is clearly seen that, the major part of graduates started to work in service industries. In addition to this point, education, politics and government, and manufacturing industry sectorts have the almost the half of the all employees from Brighton University. Employees who started in the sector of service industries made up almost one third of the all people which is the major part of the pie chart while the manufacturing industry is the second one with 16. 3%. Furthermore, education and politics & government share the one quarter of the graph with 14. 7 and 12. 1 per cent. Regarding the small rates, the people entering the sport sector is merely 0. 1% which is the smallest percentages of the all chart. The charity and the other categories have relatively least percentages with 0. 3 and 2. 8 per cent respectively. Besides, science & technology, and transportation and warehousing industries have the closer rates with 7. 3% and 7. 8% respectively.
The chart demonstrates the percentages of graduates from Brighton
Possible spelling mistake found.
Universtiy
in the year 2019 starting various employment areas.

Overall
it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, the major part of graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to work in service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
.
In addition
to this point, education, politics and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, and manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
Possible spelling mistake found.
sectorts
have
Duplicated 'the' in the phrase: 'the almost the'. Did you mean "almost the"?
the almost the
half of the all employees from Brighton University.

Employees who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in the sector of service
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
made up almost one third of the all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which is the major part of the pie chart while the manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
is the second one with 16. 3%.
Furthermore
, education and politics &
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
share the one quarter of the graph with 14. 7 and 12. 1 per cent.

Regarding the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
rates, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
entering the sport sector is
merely
0. 1% which is the smallest percentages of the all chart. The charity and the other categories have
relatively
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
percentages with 0. 3 and 2. 8 per cent
respectively
.
Besides
, science & technology, and transportation and warehousing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
have the closer rates with 7. 3% and 7. 8%
respectively
.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the proportions of graduates from Brighton University in 2019 entering different employment sectors.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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