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The charts below give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students.

The charts below give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. YBp0Q
The pie charts compare the proportions of 5 different components of a diet by/dietary patterns/eating patterns of two groups of students in relation to to their general health. Overall, group A consume much more vegetables while group B's diet is made up of far higher percentage of fat, and therefore the former prove to be healthier than the latter. In detail, both groups show comparable figures for fish, at only 5% of the total, and cereals, which makes up more than one-third of their diet. Their fruit intake is quite similar, at 8% for group A, and 5% for group B. When it comes to vegetables, group A show greater preference, with the figure exceeding 20% as opposed to only 5% for the other group. By contrast, fat intake by group B takes up an overwhelming 50% of their diet, nearly double the figure for group A. In terms of general health, group A report lower incidence of diet-related disease, overweight, at only 10%, which is just one half of the other group's. Group A were also less likely to come down with an illness in the past year, 5% in comparison with 12% for group B. Attendance rate recorded for group A is correspondingly higher, at 90% while it is 25% lower for the other group.
The pie charts compare the proportions of 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
components of a diet by/dietary

patterns/eating patterns of two
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groups
of students in relation
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
their general health.

Overall
,
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group
After 'A', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'consume' is correct. If 'consume' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
A consume
much more vegetables while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B's diet
is made
up of far higher

percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, and
therefore
the former prove to be healthier than the latter.

In detail, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
comparable figures for fish, at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% of the total, and cereals, which

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
up more than one-third of their diet. Their fruit intake is quite similar, at 8% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A,

and 5% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to vegetables,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
greater preference, with the

figure exceeding 20% as opposed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% for the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. By contrast,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
intake by group

B takes up an overwhelming 50% of their diet,
nearly
double the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A.

In terms of general health,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A report lower incidence of diet-related disease, overweight, at

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10%, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one half of the other
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'group'.
group's
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Group
A were
also
less likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
down

with an illness in the past year, 5%
in comparison
with 12% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
B. Attendance rate recorded

for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
A is
correspondingly
higher, at 90% while it is 25% lower for the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
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IELTS academic The charts below give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
217 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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