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The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009.

The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009. oBgD
The given diagrams rerpesent the popularuty of various entertainment places and prices to enter this venues for one person and for the family with four members in 2009. Overall, going to the cinemas was the most popular time spending in 2009. Even more, it was the cheapest entertainment venue. Theme parks and sport events take second and third place respectively in the number of visitors. For 1 ticket footbal games are taking first three places in the expenditure segment with the highest price for football AFL game - 75$. For a moment, 5 times larger then cinema entrance fee. On the forth palce theme parks are standing with 70 USD for 1 ticket. Cinema tickets are the cheapest - 15 dollars. Cricket and basketball have a slight increase of 10 and 20 dollars each. Situation with family tickets is nearly the same with one significant difference in price of theme parks and football games gap. In order for a family to visit parks, it should pay 210 USD. It is 25 percent lower the the NRU football game.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagrams
Possible spelling mistake found.
rerpesent
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
popularuty
of various entertainment places and prices to enter
Did you mean "these"?
this
venues for one person and for the family with four members in 2009.

Overall
, going to the cinemas was the most popular time spending in 2009. Even more, it was the cheapest entertainment venue. Theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
take second and third place
respectively
in the number of visitors.

For 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
Possible spelling mistake found.
footbal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are taking
first
three places in the expenditure segment with the highest price for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
AFL game
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$75".
75$
. For a moment, 5 times
Did you mean "larger than"?
larger then
cinema entrance fee. On the forth
Possible spelling mistake found.
palce
theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are standing with 70 USD for 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
. Cinema
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
are the cheapest
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
15 dollars. Cricket and basketball have a slight increase of 10 and 20 dollars each.

Situation with family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
is
nearly
the same with one significant difference in price of theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
gap. In order for a family to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
, it should pay 210 USD. It is 25 percent lower
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
NRU
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
football
game.
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IELTS academic The charts below give information about attendance at entertainment venues and admission prices to those venues in 2009.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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