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The chart shows three areas of difficulty people have when they move to another country and how these difficulties vary according to age.

The chart shows three areas of difficulty people have when they move to another country and how these difficulties vary according to age. y18d
It is essential for people in some countries to have a home rather than to rent it. This due to the custom of the people living in the particular area. In my opinion, it is more negative than positive. People has no more right to choose whether to have their own home or to merely rent a house for their entire lives, and to own a house that need a lot of money, people may forced to do criminal acts. However, there is also a positive thing that can come from this situation, when the custom forces people to have their own home, then people will work very hard to have one. This of course, in turn, will ease people to really have a house of their own. There are at least two negativities that will arise in a country where the custom forces people to own a house. Firstly, people will lose their right to choose how to live their lives in term of living place. We all know that losing a right is not a good thing. Secondly, people will do a lot things to pursue their dreams to have a house, including the bad ones. Some unlucky persons will do criminal acts in order to fulfill their custom’s regulation. This is in relation with the fact that a house price is not cheap, rather it cost arm and leg. In contrast, there is also a positive thing that can happen from this custom’s regulation. People will be forced to have a house. So, their parents will surely teach them the strategy to be able to own a house. They live in an environment that most of the people are hard worker and have the same dreams, to own a living place. This situation will increase their opportunity to really has a house in the future. To conclude, there are some negativities that will happen to people in a certain custom that required them to have a house, such as the lose of right and the criminal acts due to the high cost to own a house. Eventhough there is also a positive thing that can happen, for example the high probability to have a house. I think this kind of custom in particular country should be modernize because most of the people in the future will move more frequent from one area to another, thus they actually do not need to have a house of their own.
It is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries to have a home
rather
than to rent it. This due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the particular area. In my opinion, it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
no more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to choose whether to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home or to
merely
rent a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
for their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
that need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may forced to do criminal acts.
However
, there is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
thing that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from this situation, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to have one. This
of course
, in turn, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
really
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

There are at least two negativities that will arise in a country where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
forces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to choose how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in term of living place. We all know that losing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will do
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of things"?
a lot things
to pursue their dreams to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, including the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
unlucky persons will do criminal acts in order to fulfill their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom’s
regulation. This is in relation with the fact that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
price is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
,
rather
it cost arm and leg.

In contrast
, there is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
thing that can happen from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom’s
regulation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will
be forced
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, their parents will
surely
teach them the strategy to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an environment that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
worker and have the same dreams, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a living place. This situation will increase their opportunity to
really
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
in the future.

To conclude
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negativities that will happen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
that required them to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, such as the
Did you mean "loose" (adjective) or "loss" (noun)?
lose
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
and the criminal acts due to the high cost to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Eventhough
there is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
thing that can happen,
for example
the high probability to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
custom
in particular
country should be
Consider using the past participle "modernized"?
modernize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
more frequent from one area to another,
thus
they actually do not need to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
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IELTS academic The chart shows three areas of difficulty people have when they move to another country and how these difficulties vary according to age.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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