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the chart shows the expenditure of goods in French and Britain during 2010.

the chart shows the expenditure of goods in French and Britain during 2010. kmJR
The chart illustrates the amount of money spent on five consumer goods (cars, computers, perfumes, book and cameras) in France and the UK in 2010. Units are measured in pounds sterling. Overall, the UK spent more money on consumer goods than France in the period given. Both the British and the French spent most of their money on cars whereas the least amount of money was spent on perfume in the UK compared to cameras in France. Furthermore, the most significant difference in expenditure between the two countries was on cameras. In terms of cars, people in the UK spent about 450, 000 pounds on this as opposed to the French at 400, 000 pounds. Similarly, the British expenditure was higher on books than the French (around 400, 000 and 300, 000 pounds respectively). In the UK, expenditure on cameras (just over 350, 000 pounds) was over double that of France, which was only 150, 000 pounds. On the other hand, the amount of money paid out on the remaining goods was higher in France. Above 350, 000 pounds was spent by the French on computers which was slightly more than the British who spent exactly 350, 000 pounds. Neither of the countries spent much on perfume which accounted for 200, 000 of expenditure in French but under 150, 000 in the TK.
The chart illustrates the amount of
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money
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spent
on five consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
(cars, computers, perfumes, book and cameras) in France and the UK in 2010. Units
are measured
in pounds sterling.

Overall
, the UK
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spent
more
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money
on consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
than France in the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. Both the British and the French
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spent
most of their
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money
on cars whereas the least amount of
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money
was
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spent
on perfume in the UK compared to cameras in France.
Furthermore
, the most significant difference in
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expenditure
between the two countries was on cameras.

In terms of cars,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the UK
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spent
about 450, 000 pounds on this as opposed to the French at 400, 000 pounds.
Similarly
, the British
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expenditure
was higher on books than the French (around 400, 000 and 300, 000 pounds
respectively
). In the UK,
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expenditure
on cameras (
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 350, 000 pounds) was over double that of France, which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
150, 000 pounds.

On the other hand
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
paid out on the remaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
was higher in France. Above 350, 000 pounds was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
by the French on computers which was
slightly
more than the British who
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spent
exactly 350, 000 pounds. Neither of the countries
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spent
much on perfume which accounted for 200, 000 of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
in French
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
under 150, 000 in the TK.
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IELTS academic the chart shows the expenditure of goods in French and Britain during 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
223 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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