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The chart showcase the total employment numbers in the various fields related to tourism industries in a time span of one decade, that is 2009 to 2019.

The chart showcase the total employment numbers in the various fields related to tourism industries in a time span of one decade, that is 2009 to 2019. 5dMV
The chart showcase the total employment numbers in the various fields related to tourism industries in a time span of one decade, that is 2009 to 2019. Over the period, the travel sector has increased quite tremendously as compared to other fields. The employment in travel industry has become almost double in these 10 years, from 60, 900 to 1, 14, 200 employees. The sports sector saw a significant rise from 284700 workers to 345700 people while food industry also experianced a similar level of growth. The employment in hotel and other accommodations sector increased slightly from 299200 to 306000 individuals. Since all other fields had a noticeable success, the only sector in which the number of workers declined is culture that includes museums and galleries. The employment number fell from 83800 to 77400. To conclude, despite of fluctuations in individual sectors, the overall employment rate in tourism industry grew significantly in the last ten years.
The chart showcase the total
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employment
numbers in the various fields related to tourism
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industries
in a time span of one decade,
that is
2009 to 2019. Over the period, the travel
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sector
has increased quite
tremendously
as compared to other fields.

The
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employment
in travel
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industry
has become almost double in these 10 years, from 60, 900 to 1, 14, 200 employees. The sports
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sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a significant rise from 284700 workers to 345700
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
while food
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industry
also
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experianced
a similar level of growth.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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employment
in hotel and other accommodations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
increased
slightly
from 299200 to 306000 individuals.

Since all other fields had a noticeable success, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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sector
in which the number of workers declined is culture that includes museums and galleries. The
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employment
number fell from 83800 to 77400.

To conclude
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
fluctuations in individual
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sectors
, the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rate in tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
grew
significantly
in the last ten years.

IELTS academic The chart showcase the total employment numbers in the various fields related to tourism industries in a time span of one decade, that is 2009 to 2019.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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