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the chart show the population of elephants in Asian countries

the chart show the population of elephants in Asian countries e35KV
The chart depicts the renovation in the number of elephants in a range of Asian countries in two different years in 1997 and 2004. Overall, it is clearly seen that there were downward trends in general. As regards, the biggest transformation in elephant populations which belong to India while the reverse was true for Cambodia. Furthermore, Laos and Vietnam witnessed stable maintenance in two years. First of all, it was most noticeable in Malaysia and Thailand where the number of elephants was thought to have declined half the size of the original in 1997. In the former, the population of elephants dropped dramatically at around 1000. In India, which country was by far the largest populations, but experienced a significant fall in numbers so that in 2004 there were only 7500 elephants left. Moreover, China possessed a tiny number of elephants, at most 500 elephants in 2004. Turning to Laos and Vietnam, elephant populations were thought to have remained stable at approximately 1200. After that, the only country where numbers of elephants demonstrated signs of regenerate was Cambodia, whose populations rose slightly by up to 200.
The chart depicts the renovation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
in a range of Asian countries in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years in 1997 and 2004.

Overall
, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there were downward trends
in general
. As regards, the biggest transformation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
which belong to India while the reverse was true for Cambodia.
Furthermore
, Laos and Vietnam witnessed stable maintenance in two years.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it was most noticeable in Malaysia and Thailand where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to have declined half the size of the original in 1997. In the former, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
dropped
dramatically
at around 1000. In India, which country was by far the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
experienced a significant fall in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that in 2004 there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
.
Moreover
, China possessed a tiny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
, at most 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
in 2004.

Turning to Laos and Vietnam,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to have remained stable at approximately 1200. After that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
country where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elephants
demonstrated signs of regenerate was Cambodia, whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
rose
slightly
by up to 200.
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IELTS academic the chart show the population of elephants in Asian countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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