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The chart show the number of internet users in continent around the world in millions in 2011

The chart show the number of internet users in continent around the world in millions in 2011 N3nNW
These data sources clearly communicate that how many people used the Internet in several areas all over the world in millions in 2011. The first obvious feature of this chart is that the number of Internet users in Asia was at the highest point while the smallest proportion of people using the Internet fell into Oceania and Australia. By far the highest Internet users was Asia with 922, 3 million. About over half of Asia, 476, 2 million Europeans who using the Internet was the second highest. In contrast, Oceania and Australia showed the lowest similar pattern, 21, 3 million. Overall, the demand for using the Internet in Asia and Europe occupied a large number, over 400 million. On the contrary, others areas just accounted for one-fifth in total.
These data sources
clearly
communicate that how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the Internet in several areas all over the world in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in 2011.

The
first
obvious feature of this chart is that the number of Internet users in Asia was at the highest point while the smallest proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using the Internet fell into Oceania and Australia.

By far the highest Internet users was Asia with 922, 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. About over half of Asia, 476, 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Europeans who using the Internet was the second highest.
In contrast
, Oceania and Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the lowest similar pattern, 21, 3 million.

Overall
, the demand for using the Internet in Asia and Europe occupied a large number, over 400
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
.
On the contrary
, others areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
accounted for one-fifth in total.
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IELTS academic The chart show the number of internet users in continent around the world in millions in 2011

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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