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The chart show the distribution of money spent on music in Northern Ireland

The chart show the distribution of money spent on music in Northern Ireland G7dx
The pie charts compare the percentage of money expended on music in Northern Ireland in three various years. Overall, the biggest distribution of money spent on CD sales, which digital music sales were becoming more common. Concerts sales did not alter almost a third. To begin with, in 2005 the majority of expenditure was for CDs, one third of money spent participating concerts. The smallest categories were digital download sales and other sources, they consisted of 6% and 2% respectively. In 2008, the most distributed money, which is CD sales decreased 20% while the smallest category, namely, downloaded music increased by 19% to 25%. Concerts sales fell slightly 8%. Turning to the rest of the period, with increasing demand, the most distributed of money spent on digital downloads. Downloaded music rose 43%. The concert sales almost remained stable at 28 %. CDs reduced by 15% to 26 %, while other category kept 3%
The pie charts compare the percentage of
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money
expended on
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music
in Northern Ireland in three various years.

Overall
, the biggest distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on CD
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sales
, which digital
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music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were becoming more common.
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Concerts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
did not alter almost a third.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in 2005 the majority of expenditure was for
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CDs
, one third of
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money
spent participating
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concerts
. The smallest categories were digital download
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sales
and other sources, they consisted of 6% and 2%
respectively
.

In 2008, the most distributed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which is CD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
decreased 20% while the smallest category,
namely
, downloaded
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music
increased by 19% to 25%.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Concerts
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sales
fell
slightly
8%.

Turning to the rest of the period, with increasing demand, the most distributed of
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money
spent on digital downloads. Downloaded
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music
rose 43%. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
concert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
almost remained stable at 28 %.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by 15% to 26 %, while other category
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
3%
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IELTS academic The chart show the distribution of money spent on music in Northern Ireland

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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