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The chart illustrates the percentage of unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012.

The chart illustrates the percentage of unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012. w1oN
The chart illustrates the percentage of unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012. The parameters it analyzes are Rural areas with the blue line while Urban areas are shown with a red line. The percentage value is shown from 0 to 7 and a year is shown in 4 quarters. To begin, in the first quarter of the years, unemployment in Rural areas is immensely high. In the middle of the second-third quarters the unemployment situation in Australia drop significantly to reach a value of around 4. 5%. Finally from the third to the fourth quarter of the year the value stabilizes around 5%. For that concerns the unemployment situation in Urban areas, the situation is totally various. In the first quarter of the years, the value increases to reach in the second quarter the percentage of 4%, on the contrary in the third quarters of the year unemployment value drop significantly. At the end of the year, unemployment strongly increases to reach almost 7%. To conclude, it is clear that in the Rural areas the unemployment is higher than in urban areas for all years, furthermore only at the end of the year (in the fourth quarter of the year) values are extremely close around 5%.
The chart illustrates the percentage of
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unemployment
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situation
in Australia in the
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year
2012.

The parameters it analyzes are Rural
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areas
with the blue line while Urban
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areas
are shown
with a red line.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
percentage
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value
is shown
from 0 to 7 and a
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year
is shown
in 4 quarters.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, in the
first
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quarter
of the years,
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unemployment
in Rural
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areas
is
immensely
high. In the middle of the second-third
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quarters
the
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unemployment
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situation
in Australia drop
significantly
to reach a
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value
of around 4. 5%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
from the third to the fourth
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quarter
of the
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year
the
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value
stabilizes around 5%.

For that concerns the
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unemployment
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situation
in Urban
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areas
, the
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situation
is
totally
various. In the
first
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quarter
of the years, the
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value
increases to reach in the second
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quarter
the percentage of 4%,
on the contrary
in the third
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quarters
of the
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year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
drop
significantly
.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
,
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unemployment
strongly
increases to reach almost 7%.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in the Rural
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areas
the
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unemployment
is higher than in urban
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areas
for all years,
furthermore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
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year
(in the fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year)
values are
extremely
close around 5%.
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IELTS academic The chart illustrates the percentage of unemployment situation in Australia in the year 2012.

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
208 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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