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The graph shows the income of four cafes in New York in last year.

The graph shows the income of four cafes in New York in last year. a00w
The given line graph indicates the amount of money which was earned by four various coffee shops in New York throughout the last year. Overall, it is apparent that there was a downward trend in the earnings of Tea Room while the other three cafes shared the same upward trend. Another interesting point is that Tea Room started as the most earned cafe but it did not manage to recapture its first position at the end of the period. More specifically, regarding Tea Room, the figure commenced at 160000 dollars, which made Tea Room the most earned cafe initially, and then it went up and down, hitting its peak at 170000 in March. After this, the income of Tea Room saw a fluctuant trend in the following months before a dramatic decline to just above 40000, the lowest income compared to the other coffee shops. As for Cafe Cool, 30000 was the amount of money earned in the first month. Despite a six-year period of fluctuation, it increased sharply to 50000 in August. Having dipped slightly in the following months, the data rocketed up to 120000 at the end of the time span. On the other hand, with respect to Internet Express, a marginal decrease by aroung 20000 was seen in the first six months. Following this, the income was detected with a significant growth from above 80000 (July) to just under 14000 (December). Finally, concerning Wi-fi Cafe, it rose strikingly, peaking at 100000 in July. In spite of a decrease of 40000 in the next two months, the earning soared up to over 180000, which was the highest income rate at the end of the period.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph indicates the amount of money which was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
by four various coffee shops in New York throughout the last year.
Overall
, it is apparent that there was a downward trend in the earnings of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Room
while the other three
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
shared the same upward trend. Another interesting point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Room
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
as the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it did not manage to recapture its
first
position at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period. More
specifically
, regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Room
, the figure commenced at 160000 dollars, which made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Room
the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
initially
, and then it went up and down, hitting its peak at 170000 in March. After this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Room
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
fluctuant
trend in the following
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months
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a dramatic decline to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 40000, the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
compared to the other coffee shops. As for
'Cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
Cafe
Cool, 30000 was the amount of money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earned
in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
. Despite a six-year period of fluctuation, it increased
sharply
to 50000 in August. Having dipped
slightly
in the following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
, the data rocketed up to 120000 at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the time span.
On the other hand
, with respect to Internet Express, a marginal decrease by
Possible spelling mistake found.
aroung
20000 was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
first
six
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
. Following this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
was detected
with a significant growth from above 80000 (July) to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 14000 (December).
Finally
, concerning
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wi-fi
'Cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
Cafe
, it rose
strikingly
, peaking at 100000 in July.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
a decrease of 40000 in the
next
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
, the earning soared up to over 180000, which was the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
rate at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

IELTS academic The graph shows the income of four cafes in New York in last year.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
277 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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