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The chart illustrates about the worldwide mobile phone sales by brand in the years 2009, 2011 and 2013

The chart illustrates about the worldwide mobile phone sales by brand in the years 2009, 2011 and 2013 2aWAj
Overall, samsung mobile phone sales is lower and seen some fluctuations between the years. while, in the other hand nokia mobile phone sales were lower and went from ups and downs in the years. In 2009 samsung phones selling ratio was about 250 and as the years went forward in 2011 it rose to approximately 350, moving further on years in 2013 the figure was 450. while, in comparision with samsung. nokia sales were around 450 in 2009, as looking forward in the graph the ratio was going higher around at 400 and went down at 250 in 2013. As of apple mobile phone brand in 2009 the selling ration is around 50 at a very much low stage. however, the figure is going up at about 100 in 2011, as seen in the graph at the point of year 2013, mobile phone sales gone at upward trend. LG cell phone selling ratio is around 150 in 2009 and going down at approximately 100 in 2013. Atlast, in the year 2009 figure is about 50, although in 2011 figure went up at approximately upward than 50 and somewhat in 2013 it is about to reach at 100.
Overall
,
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samsung
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
is lower and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations between the years.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
, in the other hand
Possible spelling mistake found.
nokia
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were lower and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
from ups and downs in the years.

In 2009
Possible spelling mistake found.
samsung
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
selling ratio was about 250 and as the years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
forward in 2011 it rose to approximately 350, moving
further
on years in 2013 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
was 450.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
comparision
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
samsung
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
nokia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
450 in 2009, as looking forward in the graph the ratio was going higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
at 400 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
down at 250 in 2013.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
of
Did you mean the proper noun "Apple" (= technology company)?
apple
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
brand in 2009 the selling ration is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
50 at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much low stage.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
is going up at about 100 in 2011, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the graph at the point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2013, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
gone at upward trend. LG cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
selling ratio is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
150 in 2009 and going down at approximately 100 in 2013.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Atlast
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2009
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
is about 50, although in 2011
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
up at approximately
Use "(upward)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
upward
than 50 and somewhat in 2013 it is about to reach at 100.
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IELTS academic The chart illustrates about the worldwide mobile phone sales by brand in the years 2009, 2011 and 2013

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
197 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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