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the chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in australia from 1980 to 2000

the chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in australia from 1980 to 2000 d8rP
The bar chart given illustrates data about the proportion of people in Australia who were obese in 4 separate years 1980, 1990, 2000, and 2010. Looking at the chart, it is immediately clear that the rate of overweight males was higher than females in each year. Meanwhile, the percentage of both men and women who were obese increased gradually over the period shown. Another key feature is that the highest figure of the chart was recorded in the proportion of overweight males. In 1980, the proportion of overweight males registered approximately 47%. This figure rose dramatically from merely over 50% in the year 1990 to exactly 70% in 2000 before this rate decreased minimally to around nearly 68% in 2010. In the first year examined, exactly 30% was the percentage of overweight women in Australia. This figure increased gradually, standing at 40% in 1990 prior to this rate remained unchanged at 50% by the last year studied.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
illustrates data about the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Australia who were obese in 4 separate years 1980, 1990, 2000, and 2010.

Looking at the chart, it is immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
males was higher than females in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Meanwhile, the percentage of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women who were obese increased
gradually
over the period shown. Another key feature is that the highest figure of the chart
was recorded
in the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
males.

In 1980, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
males registered approximately 47%. This figure rose
dramatically
from
merely
over 50% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1990 to exactly 70% in 2000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
this rate decreased
minimally
to around
nearly
68% in 2010.

In the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
examined, exactly 30% was the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
women in Australia. This figure increased
gradually
, standing at 40% in 1990 prior to this rate remained unchanged at 50% by the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
studied.

IELTS academic the chart gives information about the percentage of overweight men and women in australia from 1980 to 2000

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
157 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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