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the chart below shows what percentage of theri daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks.these nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much

the chart below shows what percentage of theri daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. these nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much m1XyN
The chart has representing the average person consumption of sodium and saturated fat as well as added sugar in their daily meal in USA. A person intake 43% of sodium In their Dinner and 37 % of saturated fat respectively. Added sugar contributing 42% in Dinner. Saturated fat is consuming by person in breakfast higher than sodium and added sugar which may lead person towards illness. A person consuming less amount of sugar in their Lunch which may cause tired during working hours due to low sugar level in their blood. Most of the Snacks in USA contains lot of sugar so everyday a person intake 42% of sugar contents while enjoying their snacks. Low nutrients consumption may create some issues in human body such as tiredness and demotivated. 23% of sugar has been in-taking individuals during dinner 16% of Saturated fat consumed in breakfast whereas 14% in sodium and 16% in sugar. These vivid information has given picture of average person’s consumptions of nutrients in their daily life.
The chart has representing the average
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person
consumption of sodium and
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saturated
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fat
as well
as
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added
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sugar
in their daily meal
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in USA
. A
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person
intake 43% of sodium In their Dinner and 37 % of
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saturated
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fat
respectively
.
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Added
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sugar
contributing 42% in Dinner.
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Saturated
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fat
is consuming by
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person
in breakfast higher than sodium and
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added
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sugar
which may lead
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person
towards illness.

A
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person
consuming less amount of
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sugar
in their Lunch which may cause tired during working hours due to low
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sugar
level in their blood. Most of the Snacks
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
contains
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
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sugar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
a
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person
intake 42% of
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sugar
contents while enjoying their snacks. Low nutrients consumption may create
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some
issues in human body such as tiredness and demotivated. 23% of
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sugar
has been in-taking individuals during dinner

16% of
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Saturated
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fat
consumed in breakfast whereas 14% in sodium and 16% in
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sugar
. These vivid information has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
picture of average
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person’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
of nutrients in their daily life.
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IELTS academic the chart below shows what percentage of theri daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. these nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
169 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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