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The chart below shows the spending by 18 to 20 years old in one country on five different products in 2010 and 2014.

The chart below shows the spending by 18 to 20 years old in one country on five different products in 2010 and 2014. ppqd
The provided graph represent the information about the spent amount on food, clothes, books, smartphones, and toiletries between the age 18 to 20 years old during the period 2010 and 2014. Overall, it can be seen that the highest amount was spent on the food in both years. Whereas the money spent on the clothes equal in the both years. In 2010, the age 18 to 20 years old spent amount 3700millions on food, whereas the 2500million spent on the clothes. Smartphones and toiletries accounted for about 2000million spent each. The least amount was spent on the books 1000million. In the next four years, the spent amount on food, smartphones, toiletries increased compared to the year 2010. about 4300million were spent on food. Whereas 2700millions were spent on the smartphones. The amount was spent on the toiletries it was 100 million increased compare to the year 2010. The spending on book become nearly half. Lastly the amount spent on clothes remained unchanged at 2500millions
The provided graph represent the information about the
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spent
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amount
on
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food
,
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clothes
, books, smartphones, and toiletries between the age 18 to 20 years
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old
during the period 2010 and 2014.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the highest
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amount
was
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spent
on the
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food
in both years. Whereas the money
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spent
on the
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clothes
equal in the both years.

In 2010, the age 18 to 20 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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spent
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amount
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3700millions
on
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food
, whereas the
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2500million
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spent
on the
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clothes
. Smartphones and toiletries accounted for about
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2000million
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spent
each. The least
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amount
was
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spent
on the books 1000million.

In the
next
four years, the
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spent
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amount
on
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food
, smartphones, toiletries increased compared to the
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year
2010.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
about
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4300million
were
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spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
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2700millions
were
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spent
on the smartphones. The
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amount
was
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spent
on the toiletries it was 100
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million
increased compare to the
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year
2010. The spending on book become
nearly
half.
Lastly
the
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amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
remained unchanged at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
2500millions
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the spending by 18 to 20 years old in one country on five different products in 2010 and 2014.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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