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The chart below shows the results of survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities

The bar chart demonstrates information about Australian people’s preference of coffee and tea. 5 cities were surveyed and the results are given as a percentage of city residents. Beginning with the real figures, we see a great demand for coffee and tea in the cities of Melbourne, Sydney and Hobart. Every of these big cities have degree at least 60%. If be more certain, than Sydney has about 61%, Melbourne 63% and Hobart 62%. However Brisbane and Adelaide too have great results (55% and 49% respectively). Analyzing further, you can see the interests of people between fresh and instant coffee. Percentage of city residents, who bought fresh coffee in last month, indicate about 42% in Sydney and Melbourne, while other cities have average 36%. What about people, who prefer instant coffee, is 53% in Hobart and Brisbane. This indicator show another data in Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide, average 47%. Overall, the most high demand of coffee in Hobart and the lowest in Adelaide.
The bar chart demonstrates information about Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s preference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and tea. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
were surveyed
and the results are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
as a percentage of city residents.

Beginning with the real figures, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a great demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
and tea in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
of Melbourne, Sydney and Hobart. Every of these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have degree at least 60%. If be more certain, than Sydney has about 61%, Melbourne 63% and Hobart 62%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
Brisbane and Adelaide
Did you mean “to have”?
too have
great results (55% and 49%
respectively
).

Analyzing
further
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the interests of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
between fresh and instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
. Percentage of city residents, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
in last month, indicate about 42% in Sydney and Melbourne, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have average 36%. What about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who prefer instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
, is 53% in Hobart and Brisbane. This indicator
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: “shows”.
show
another data in Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide, average 47%.

Overall
, the most high demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
in Hobart and the lowest in Adelaide.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the results of survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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