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The chart below shows the percentage of people who self-reported being obese, by age group and sex, household population aged 18 and older, Canada 2009.

The chart below shows the percentage of people who self-reported being obese, by age group and sex, household population aged 18 and older, Canada 2009. yRax3
The given chart illustrates the proportion of Canadians 18 and older reported weight that classified them as obese, by age group and sex in 2009. Overall, it is evident that the percentage of males who were obese was higher than that of females for all age groups. Another noteworthy observation is that the rate of peole being obese became greater as the number of years of the age bracket got higher, except for the senior citizens. Looking at the data of the first four age groups, there was a significant gap between men and women being obese. It is noticeable that the youngest group showed the lowest rate of people being obese, at merely 8% for males and 6% for females. Meanwhile, people who fall into the 20 to 34 age group has the largest difference between two sexes in the proportion of people being overweight, by about 4%. Roughly 22% of both age bracket males (35-44 and 45-54) reported being obese, whereas the rate of females in these two agr groups were around 17%. In terms of the remaining age groups, the proportion of people aged 55-64 being overweight was aprroximately 22% for both genders. Simultaneously, the rate of the senior citizens self-reported being obese was under 20%, lower than that of the previous agae bracket.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart illustrates the proportion of Canadians 18 and older reported weight that classified them as
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obese
, by
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age
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group
and sex in 2009.

Overall
, it is evident that the percentage of males who were
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obese
was higher than that of females for all
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age
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groups
. Another noteworthy observation is that the
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rate
of
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peole
being
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obese
became greater as the number of years of the
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age
bracket
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
higher,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the senior citizens.

Looking at the data of the
first
four
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age
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groups
, there was a significant gap between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women being
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obese
. It is noticeable that the youngest
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group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the lowest
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rate
of
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people
being
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obese
, at
merely
8% for males and 6% for females. Meanwhile,
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people
who fall into the 20 to 34
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age
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group
has the largest difference between two sexes in the proportion of
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people
being overweight, by about 4%. Roughly 22% of both
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age
bracket males (35-44 and 45-54) reported being
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obese
, whereas the
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rate
of females in these two
Possible spelling mistake found.
agr
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
were around 17%.

In terms of the remaining
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, the proportion of
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people
aged 55-64 being overweight was
Possible spelling mistake found.
aprroximately
22% for both genders.
Simultaneously
, the
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rate
of the senior citizens self-reported being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
obese
was under 20%, lower than that of the previous
Possible spelling mistake found.
agae
bracket.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage of people who self-reported being obese, by age group and sex, household population aged 18 and older, Canada 2009.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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