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The chart below shows the percentage of Australian people who were born in different places of the world.

The chart below shows the percentage of Australian people who were born in different places of the world. 75pXn
The line graph illustrates the proportion of Australian people who came from distinct areas all over the world from 1976 to 2011 Overall, the total percentage of people who immigrated to Australia from the UK, Asia and others nations witnessed a slight increase, but there was a phenomenally fall in the percentage of immigrants who were born in the UK over the period given. At the start of the period, the proportion of Australian people who came from the UK reached the highest point of slightly under 15%, before falling significantly to 5% in the last year. On the other hand, this figure for people who were born in Asian countries, beginning at the lowest point of just over 2. 5%, experienced a dramatic growth to 15% in 2011. Starting at the second point of approximately 12. 5%, the percentage of immigrants from others countries dropped gradually to above 7. 5% in 1986, prior to rising rapidly to about 14% in the following 20 years and stayed at marginally above 12. 5% in 2011. In contrast, there was a slight decrease to just above 20% in the total figures for people immigrated to Australia, followed by jumping to 25% in the final year.
The line graph illustrates the proportion of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
came from distinct areas all over the world from 1976 to 2011

Overall
, the total percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
immigrated to Australia from the UK, Asia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
nations witnessed a slight increase,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there was a
You used an adverb ('phenomenally') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('fall') instead of another adjective.
phenomenally fall
in the percentage of immigrants
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who
were born
in the UK over the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the period, the proportion of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
came from the UK reached the highest point of
slightly
under 15%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
falling
significantly
to 5% in the last year.
On the other hand
, this figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were born
in Asian countries, beginning at the lowest point of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 2. 5%, experienced a dramatic growth to 15% in 2011.

Starting at the second point of approximately 12. 5%, the percentage of immigrants from others countries dropped
gradually
to above 7. 5% in 1986, prior to rising
rapidly
to about 14% in the following 20 years and stayed at
marginally
above 12.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
5%
in 2011.
In contrast
, there was a slight decrease to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 20% in the total figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrated to Australia, followed by jumping to 25% in the final year.

IELTS academic The chart below shows the percentage of Australian people who were born in different places of the world.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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