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The chart below shows the online sales of smartphones, laptops and tablets in 2019

The chart below shows the online sales of smartphones, laptops and tablets in 2019 0wgK9
The rendered bar graph depicts information regarding the online vendings of Mobile phones, Laptop and Tablets in the first four months during 2019. Overall, it is quite evident that the trading of all the three electronic gadgets were fluctuating in the given period as Mobile phones grabbed the first position in March which placed by Laptops in eventual month. At a fleeting glance, it is immensely clear that initiating at approximately 50 million units, the vendings of laptops then plunged to nearby 30 million units, before it hit the trough at around a quarter. While, it was rapidly soared upto a half in the last month. Although the trading of Tablets were merely 30 million units, it hit the zenith at almost 65 million units in February which remained identical in the wake of this month and diminished dramatically to below a third in April. Furthermore, slightly low than a fifth was observed in the case of smartphones, whereas it was hovering in between the range of 40 million units and 50 million units in February and the sales were high among the others in march at over 70 million units. In april, the trading of cellphones were, accounting for approximately two-fifth.
The rendered bar graph depicts information regarding the online
Possible spelling mistake found.
vendings
of Mobile phones, Laptop and Tablets in the
first
four months during 2019.

Overall
, it is quite evident that the trading of all the three electronic gadgets were fluctuating in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period as Mobile phones grabbed the
first
position in March which placed by Laptops in eventual month.

At a fleeting glance, it is
immensely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that initiating at approximately 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
vendings
of laptops then plunged to nearby 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it hit the trough at around a quarter.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, it was
rapidly
soared
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
a half in the last month. Although the trading of Tablets were
merely
30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
, it hit the zenith at almost 65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in February which remained identical in the wake of this month and diminished
dramatically
to below a third in April.

Furthermore
,
slightly
Use "lower" to make a comparison with this adjective.
low
than a fifth
was observed
in the case of smartphones, whereas it was hovering in between the range of 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
and 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
in February and the sales were high among the others in
The month "March" needs to be capitalized.
march
at over 70
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
april
, the trading of cellphones were, accounting for approximately two-fifth.
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IELTS academic The chart below shows the online sales of smartphones, laptops and tablets in 2019

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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