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Pie chart of online sales in Canada in 2005 and 2010

Pie chart of online sales in Canada in 2005 and 2010 MqAkQ
The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of online sales for four retail sectors in Canada in the years 2005 and 2010 respectively. Overall, the significant sectors are “Electronics and Appliances” and “Food and Beverage”, which accounted for over half the online sales in both the years. “Home Furnishings” had the most downfall while “Videos Games” attained profits over the years. Electronics and Appliance sales were 35 percent in the year 2005. Moreover, it experienced a marginal change of -5% and came to 30% by the year 2010. Food and Beverage rose tremendously from 22% to just under one-third of the sales. On the other hand, Home Furnishings had a drastic decrease over the years from a quarter to a small minority of 15%. In contrast to this, Video Games sales grew dramatically from 18% to almost a quarter.
The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for four retail sectors in Canada in the years 2005 and 2010
respectively
.

Overall
, the significant sectors are “Electronics and Appliances” and “Food and Beverage”, which accounted for over half the online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in both the years. “Home Furnishings” had the most downfall while “Videos Games” attained profits over the years.

Electronics and Appliance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
were 35 percent in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2005.
Moreover
, it experienced a marginal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of -5% and came to 30% by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2010. Food and Beverage rose
tremendously
from 22% to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under one-third of the sales.

On the other hand
, Home Furnishings had a drastic decrease over the years from a quarter to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
minority of 15%.
In contrast
to this, Video Games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
grew
dramatically
from 18% to almost a quarter.
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IELTS academic Pie chart of online sales in Canada in 2005 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
139 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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